Are you grieving the loss of a pet?

In an earlier article, we talked about "openly grieving" the loss of a pet.  Grieving the loss of a pet can be difficult because some people just don't understand the close connection that some people have with their pets.  Some people feel that their pets are family members.  I have even heard some people say that they are more closely connected to their pets, than their human family members. 

However, the loss of a pet can be felt differently by different people.  It's just like the "Variables in Grief" article that was posted earlier, -- The grief you feel depends on the type of relationship you had with the deceased. -- This goes for pets too!  Some people are sad that their pet has died, but seem to get over it rather quickly.  Some people feel grief, but get a new pet right away, and that appears to help them in their grief process.  Yet there are others who grieve the loss of their pet so deeply, that they can not even imagine getting a new pet - ever! 

So why are there these differences?  A book titled, "Saying Good-Bye to the Pet You Love" by Lorri A. Greene and Jacquelyn Landis describes it perfectly.  It seems that there are three types of bonding one can have with their pet.  If you read the descriptions, one can most certainly find the category they fit in - and by doing so, find the answer to why they feel they way they do - or just as importantly, prepare themselves for the kind of griever they might be. 

In brief, with permission, I have included these "types" and their descriptions here. 

1.  Conventionally Bonded - Consider their pets as members of the family, but don't give them the same status as human family members.  They provide homes and care, but the loss of a pet is not a major trauma.  They do experience grief over the loss, but seem to recover more quickly than the other two types.  This is the most common type.

2.  Intensely Bonded - Consider their pets as integral parts of the family.  They form deep emotional attachments and provide the same care to their pet as they would for the human family members.  May exceed their financial means in order to provide care.  May refer to their pet as their "surrogate child."  They may experience a long grieving process and great sense of personal loss when their pet dies.

3.  Uniquely Bonded - Consider their pets family members and may refer to them as "my best friend", "my son",  "my daughter" or "my soul mate."  They provide extravagant care and attention.  The loss of their pet is devastating and their grieving may last a very long time.

I personally feel that knowing the type of bond you have with your pet will go a long way in helping you in your grief process.  It provides an understanding on the kind of person that you are.  If a friend or family member doesn't seem to be as supportive as you think they should be, think about the type of bond they might have and you might gain a better understanding for them too.  I highly recommend this book for anyone who is grieving the loss of a companion animal or even for those who are dealing with anticipatory grief issues regarding a beloved pet. 

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

Diana

P.S.  If you have found this posting or previous postings helpful, please consider making a donation to The Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit organization that serves the community, and we operate solely on donations from families, clients and the community.  As always, your donation will be greatly appreciated and acknowledged.

Do you have a relative that is grieving?

Our office often receives calls from family members that are concerned about the grieving style of another family member.  We often hear statements such as, "I think they are on too much medication.", "I don't think they have cried since the funeral.", "They won't talk to me about 'the loved one'.", "They say they are fine, but I know that they aren't.", "They won't leave the house."  The bottom line is - the grieving person isn't grieving the way someone else thinks that they should. 

Read that last sentence out loud, several times if necessary.  Does that sound right to you?  It shouldn't!  Why should someone else dictate how you react, feel and behave?  They shouldn't!  However, family members love each other and are naturally concerned for each other's well-being and safety.  Being concerned for a family member doesn't make you a bad person, just a well-meaning person.  So here are some things to think about before reacting to your loved one's grief.

1.  Each person grieves in "their own unique way." 

2.  The relationship to the deceased may help determine the kind of grief reaction a   person can experience.  A parent who lost a child may experience a more prolonged and acute grief than a sibling who lost a sibling. 

3.  Each person goes through the Stages of Grief at their own pace.  A mother may not be at the same stage as a daughter or son, and may never be. 

4.  Each person may have complicating factors, that another may not be aware of, that may make their grief last longer, or make them react differently to the loss than someone else would. 

5.  Men grieve differently than women.  Children grieve differently than adults.

6.  Some people are comfortable talking about their loved one and their grief, others are not.

7.  Some people may be angry at God, their loved one, the medical community - some may not.

8.  Some people may show outward signs of grieving (crying, talking, anger), others may keep their feelings focused internally (thinking, journaling, other activities done in private).

9.  Some people find comfort in support groups, some prefer to "deal with things on their own."

10.  Some may have "visions" of their loved ones, hear their voices, see them in dreams - and others may not.

The important thing to remember is that there is no wrong or right way to grieve.  Each person has to do it in their own way.  Each person will react and act differently depending on a lot of outside factors.  Only a few of these factors were mentioned above, there are many, many others.  If you are not sure if your loved one is grieving in a healthy way, call a grief specialist. 

When in doubt, just let them know that you love them, care for them and are there for them.

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

Diana

P.S.  If you have found this posting or previous postings helpful, please consider making a donation to The Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit organization that serves the community, and we operate solely on donations from families, clients and the community.  As always, your donation will be greatly appreciated and acknowledged.

The Masks We Wear

The decorating of masks is one of the projects that the children in our Children’s Art Therapy Program create.  But the concept of “mask wearing” is not unique to children.  Adults too, wear “masks” everyday.  When we are in grief, we tend to wear our masks most of the time.  We try to protect our children from seeing our pain and our tears, we try to protect our spouses because we don’t want them to feel bad, we try to protect our friends because we don’t want to burden them and we protect our co-workers and employers because we don’t want our feelings to effect our work, or potentially jeopardize our job.  There appears to be a lot of hiding the grief feelings a person HAS to feel in order to get through the grief process.  So when does a person get to work on their grief?  When do they get to sit quietly to reflect and to cry?  Not giving oneself this time can be detrimental to their physical and emotional being.  If a person feels that their grieving is taking longer than they think it should, it could be that the mask needs to come off from time to time.  There is no getting around it – you have to feel to heal.  You have to let your emotions fill you (whatever they are – anger, sadness, guilt, regret), honor them (accept them without judgment), and offer them release (crying, pounding pillows, journaling, performing a ritual or memorial ceremony – lighting candles, planting flowers). 

 

I found a writing that describes this process beautifully.  Unfortunately the author is unknown so I cannot give credit where credit is due, but I hope you enjoy it and take the message with you.

 

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

 

Diana

 

P.S.  If you have found this article, or previous articles, helpful, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to the Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit agency and we operate solely on donations from the community.  Any donation, no matter how great or how small, is greatly appreciated and will be acknowledged.

 

 

Please Hear What I Am Not Saying . . .

 

Don’t be fooled by me.  Don’t be fooled by the mask I wear.  For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them are me.  Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled – for God’s sake don’t be fooled.  I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game.  That the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one.  But don’t believe me – PLEASE.

 

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.  Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.  But I hide this.  I don’t want anybody to know it.  I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.  That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,a nonchalant, sophisticated façade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.  But such a glance is my salvation.  My only salvation.  And I know it.  That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love.

 

It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.  It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself that I’m really worth something.  But I don’t tell you this.  I don’t dare.  I’m afraid to.  I’m afraid that you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.  I’m afraid deep-down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good, and that you will see this and reject me.  So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a façade of assurance without and a trembling child within.  And so begins the parade of masks.  And my life becomes a front.  I chatter to you idly in the suave tones of surface talk.  I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.

 

So when I’m going through my routine do not be fooled by what I am saying.  Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.  I dislike hiding.  Honestly.  I dislike the superficial game I’m playing, the superficial, phony game.  I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous – and me.  But you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand even when that’s the last thing I seem to want, or need.  Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.  Only you can call me to aliveness.  Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

 

With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me.  I want you to know that.  I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me, if you choose to.  Please choose to.  You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison.  So don’t pass me by.

 

It will not be easy for you.  A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.  The nearer you approach me, the more blindly I may strike back.  It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man, I am irrational.  I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.  But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my hope.  My only hope.

 

Please try and beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands – for a child is very sensitive.  Who am I, you may wonder?  I am someone you know very well.  For I am every man you meet.  And I am every woman you meet.

Expectations in Grief

The grief journey can be a long, painful, confusing time for many.  For some, this may be the first time this grief journey has been experienced.  Or this loss may feel different than a previous loss.  At times one may question if what they are feeling is typical or expected. 

 

Here is a list of appropriate expectations you can have of yourself in grief:

 

• Your grief will take longer than most people think.  Often a griever may hear, “You’re not over this yet?”, or “It’s been a year!  You’re still upset?”

 

• Your grief will take more energy than you would have ever imagined.  People don’t realize what hard work grief can be.  Even on a subconscious level, you are constantly working on your grief.  It is important to be very gentle with yourself during this time – for just this exact reason.  Don’t expect so much from yourself right now. 

 

• Your grief will involve many changes and be continually developing.  Experiencing a loss changes an individual forever.  Part of the grief journey is the rediscovery of yourself without that special person in your life anymore. 

 

• Your grief will show itself in all spheres of your life.  Grief can be experienced in your emotions, thoughts, body and spirit.

 

• Your grief will depend on how you perceive the loss.  One of the variables in grief is the kind of relationship you had with the person who died.  If you were closer, then it stands to reason that you may feel the loss more acutely than if you were just an acquaintance. 

 

• You will grieve for all the things the death represented, both symbolic and tangible.  These are called “secondary losses.”  You may be grieving the loss of companionship, a protector, a parent, a provider or a friend.

 

• Your grief will involve a wide variety of feelings and reactions.  You may experience anger, guilt, regret, sadness and relief.  You may also experience intolerance for others’ behaviors and actions.

 

• The loss will resurrect old issues, feelings and unresolved conflicts from the past.  People are often surprised that a loss has the power to bring up feelings from the past.  It may be difficult to attend a funeral or memorial because it might remind you of a painful timein the past.

 

• You may experience some identity confusion.  Some people question who they are now that their loved one has died.  What do they do with their life now?  Their plans have been radically altered and changed.  Do they continue with their plans without their loved one?  Do they find something completely different? 

 

• You may experience a combination of anger and depression.  People are surprised to find out that they can actually have both of these feelings at the same time. 

 

• You may have a lack of self-concern.  Some people may find themselves just sitting around with their thoughts unable to focus on grooming habits, sleeping, eating or getting dressed for work. 

 

• You may experience grief bursts (bursts of grief that may occur with no warning).  I often hear people express disappointment in themselves because they thought they were doing so good on their grief journey and for some reason they felt they backslid in their grief and were surprised to feel the pain just as fresh as if it happened that very first day.  Again, it’s very important that you aregentle with yourself during this time.  You are on a roller coaster ride and you have no control over it.  Just because you have moments of intense grief, doesn’t mean that you have failed or are heading into a depression.

 

• You may have trouble thinking and making decisions.  Here again, people don’t realize how much work grief is.  Your mind is constantly working on your grief whether it’s a conscious effort or not.  This is definitely a time where your memory may not be as it always was.  This is definitely a time where grievers are asked not to make any major decisions for at least one year after their loved ones death.  It’s hard to think clearly and be focused during this time.

 

• You may feel like you are going crazy.  There are so many emotions and feelings going through a person at this time.  One of my earlier postings mentioned that grief mimics insanity, especially if a griever doesn’t know what to expect on their grief journey.

 

So know you are prepared with some ideas on what you can expect of yourself on your grief journey.  You are not crazy, you are grieving.  Be gentle with yourself, let others know to be gentle towards you, and don’t expect so much from yourself at this time.  Give yourself some time.

 

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

 

Diana

 

P.S.  If you have found this posting or previous postings helpful, please consider making a donation to The Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit organization that serves the community, and we operate solely on donations from families, clients and the community.  As always, your donation will be greatly appreciated and acknowledged.

 

Men and Grief

This is an article printed in Helping Hands by Katherine Fair Donnelly and Judith Haimes.  I invite you (man and woman) to read it in its entirety and to think about your perspectives and society’s perspectives on men and grieving.  Although I feel that we are growing, as a society, in our views on such matters – through my counseling experiences, I still hear some men apologizing for crying and I still hear some women saying that seeing their husband cry makes them uncomfortable because he’s supposed to be the strong one in the family.  So, please read this article and ask yourself, “How do I feel about this?”

 

A Man’s Grief

 

It has been said that a man would rather suffer a heart attack than let his emotions show.  Yet, experts say that tears are a healthy outlet and may account for why women outlive men, in part.

 

Most men fear the loss of their masculine identity if they openly display any signs of distress and often mask their feelings, hiding them from view.  Fearful of being considered weak or unmanly, they endure the psychological impact of their loss; they must also brace themselves to meet the ever-present eye of public opinion.

 

In building an image to fit what our society expects, a man who reveals his emotions during a time of tragedy believes his is looked down upon by others.  After all, have we not been taught that a “real” man will be strong in time of crisis . . . strong in time of war . . . strong under fire?

 

But, bereavement doesn’t rank side by side with other stress factors.  The loss of a loved one transcends the barriers of do’s and don’ts for emotional behavior.  The honest gut emotion of crying is similar to lancing a wound to drain the infection ---and a man or a woman is entitled to the right of diminishing the pain of sorrow.

 

For example, it is a natural response for a man to experience the same devastating upheaval in grieving the death of a child that a woman does.  In suffering a loss of such magnitude, it is also natural for a man to deal with feelings of anger, guilt, anxiety, depression, frustration, and other real and gnawing thoughts.  Grieving is a period of adjustment – for men as well as women.

 

A primary fear of men who hold in their grief and painful thoughts is losing control if they “let go.”  They also fear emotional involvement – in the sense that if they start to talk, they will become vulnerable.  For these reasons, a lot of men do their crying in private, preferring to be alone when they are hurting.  But, in doing so, they may commit a great injustice to themselves as well as to their loved ones.

 

Most men cannot grieve because they do not know how other men feel.  This cannot be emphasized strongly enough.  Men who believe they must contain their emotions also believe that other men know how to handle those feelings.  So, their reasoning is: “I have to be as stoic and strong as they are.  Surely they must not be feeling the way I am.  See how unemotional they are—there must be something wrong with me for feeling this way.”

 

Often, men are simply unaware that other men are really suffering the same way, struggling with the same inner pain, and the same conflicts of guilt and anger.  They can’t conceive that this is “normal” behavior for a man who is grief stricken.  When a man hears another man speak of a parallel tragedy, he then becomes aware that other men do indeed feel as he does.  Suddenly, it hits him:  “I am not the only man who feels like this!”

 

It is so important for men to be in touch with their feelings and experiences – and no matter what these are, to know they are valid and okay.  Not every man has a similar reaction, but it is hoped each will permit himself a healthy grief process without the chains of the macho roles imposed upon him.

 

Sometimes it is difficult for a man to understand just what is going on inside himself.  He may have trouble identifying feelings of grief and may not know how to deal with them.  Counselors can help if they are aware that many times they need to give men permission to express pain, usually in the form of tears.  But it is equally important that counselors indicate that tears are not the only signs of grief.

 

It is imperative for men to realize grief is a process that must be gone through.  As one bereaved father said, “We grow according to how we experience this process. . . There is no healthy way around it –only through it.”

 

 

 

 

Personal note:  If you are a man who is grieving, or you know a man who is grieving – you/they may want to participate in a support group.  It is in a support group that men will see other men sharing stories and expressing their pain through tears and anger.  It is in a support group that men will see that it is ok to feel this way, and more importantly, to express these emotions openly.

 

So, how do you feel about this?  Is it time to change your perspective?

 

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

 

Diana

 

P.S.  If you have found this posting or previous postings helpful, please consider making a donation to The Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit organization that serves the community, and we operate solely on donations from families, clients and the community.  As always, your donation will be greatly appreciated and acknowledged.

 

 

Pet Loss

Last week we talked a little about disenfranchised grief.  However, disenfranchised grief is more than just "ways that people die."  Disenfranchised grief can be due to the type or kind of relationship we had with the deceased.  One of the key definitions of disenfranchised grief is the inability to grieve openly due to the socially unacceptable aspect of the loss.  So to put this is relationship terms, perhaps one could feel that they could not fully grieve the loss of a co-worker, a celebrity, a friend or acquaintance, or perhaps a pet.

Pet loss is a difficult loss to grieve.  Many people feel that their pets are family members, or treat them as their children.  The pain of this loss is great indeed and should be grieved openly and fully, just as any other loss - but how many times have people been heard to say, "But it's just a pet.  You should be over this by now."  People who are grieving the loss of a pet don't have the benefit of being able to go to the many bereavement support groups in their area because their loss is not recognized as being big enough, or important enough,  to participate in a group where people have lost a spouse, parent or sibling.  But those of us who have lost a dear pet, know that this is not true.  Here is a reprint, with permission, from Dr. Alan Wolfelt that shows that people have a "right" to openly and fully grieve the loss of their pet.

                                                                THE PET LOVER’S CODE

 

TEN INALIENABLE RIGHTS AFTER THE DEATH

OF A SPECIAL COMPANION ANIMAL

 

 

Though you should reach out to others as you journey through grief, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people.  You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

 

The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help.  This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.

 

1.                  You have the right to grieve the death of a pet.

You loved your pet.  Your pet loved you.  You had a strong and profound relationship.  You have every right to grieve this death.  You need to grieve this death.  You also need to mourn this death (express your grief outside yourself).

 

2.                  You have the right to talk about your grief.

Talking about your grief will help you heal.  Seek out others who will allow you to talk about your grief.  Other pet lovers who have experienced the death of a pet often make good listeners at this time.  If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

 

3.                  You have the right to feel a variety of emotions.

Confusion, anger, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey after the death of a pet.  Feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are.

 

4.                  You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

After the death of a pet, your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued.  Respect what your body and mind are telling you.  Get daily rest.  Eat balanced meals.  And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel like doing.

 

5.                  You have the right to experience “griefbursts.”

Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you.  This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural.

 

6.                  You have the right to make use of ritual.

After a pet dies, you can harness the power of ritual to help you heal.  Plan a ceremony that includes everyone who loved your pet.

 

7.                  You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

At times of loss, it is natural to turn to your faith or spirituality.  Engaging your spirituality by attending church or other places of worship, praying, or spending time alone in nature may help you better understand and reconcile your loss.

 

8.                  You have the right to search for meaning.

You may find yourself asking, “Why did my pet die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not.  Ask them anyway.

 

9.                  You have the right to treasure your memories.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of a special companion animal.  Instead of ignoring your memories, find ways to capture them and treasure them always.

 

10.              You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief after the death of a pet may not happen quickly.  Remember, grief is best experienced in “doses.”  Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you.  Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of a beloved pet changes your life forever.

 

 

 

Excerpt from

 

When Your Pet Dies

A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing

 

Reprinted and distributed with permission from

 

Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Center for Loss and Life Transition

3735 Broken Bow Road

Fort Collins, CO 80526

www.centerforloss.com

  Grieving the loss of a pet openly, and fully, is becoming more accepted, but there are still some people out there that may say some hurtful things.  So please remember that you have a "right" to grieve your loss.  Please remember that there are groups out there to support this special kind of loss.  A great website to visit is The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (http://www.aplb.org) and Lasting Friends (www.lastingfriends.com).  Finally, please know that grief counselors are available to support all types of losses, including pet loss.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at bereavement@karenannquinlanhospice.org or 800-882-1117. 

Until next week, please be gentle with yourself.

Diana

P.S.  If you have found this posting or previous postings helpful, please consider making a donation to The Bereavement Center.  We are a non-profit organization that serves the community and we operate solely on donations from families, clients and the community.  As always, your donation will be greatly appreciated and acknowledged. 

Are you grieving a death due to suicide?

If you are, then you are a “Survivor of Suicide.”  This does not mean that you tried to commit suicide and failed.  This means that a loved one committed suicide and left behind survivors of their aftermath.  Always there are family, friends and acquaintances that are left behind to wonder and ask the many questions that may never have answers:  “Did I miss something?” “Did they leave any clues to what their intentions were?” “I should have taken them more seriously!” “Why didn’t they trust me?”  “Why didn’t they love me enough to stay here and fight?” “How could I have not seen any signs?”  The list goes on and on.  It is this unending list of doubts and questions that plague the survivors of suicide.  These unanswered questions, these unresolved issues can lead to complicated and disenfranchised grief.

 

In earlier postings we briefly discussed the concepts of complicated grief.  Complicated grief can occur due to a variety of factors (back to back losses, traumatic and unexpected loss).  Complicated grief can also occur when a person is experiencing disenfranchised grief.  Disenfranchised grief occurs when a person cannot openly grieve or talk about their loved one because the death was socially unacceptable (HIV, overdose or suicide).

 

Complicated grief basically means that a person can experience the effects of grief for a longer period of time, perhaps years after the loss.  In normal or typical grief, a person is helped through the grieving process by talking about their loved one.  As counselors, we encourage people to tell their story, to remember, toshare as much as they can, as much as they want, to whoever will listen.  Being able to verbalize thoughts, feelings and emotions about the loved one’s death, is one the best ways to move through the grief process. 

 

Imagine not being able to talk about your loved one’s death because you were embarrassed, or didn’t want your loved one judged by others.  Who do you turn to?  Who do you talk to?  How do you verbalize your thoughts, feelings and emotions so that you can begin to move through the grief process?  It is no surprise to find out that family members grieving the loss of a loved one due to homicide, overdose or suicide have difficulty with grieving for years after the loss. 

 

So once again, the important thing is to establish a support system.   Put into place a system that involves people you trust, people who care for you, people who won’t judge you or your loved one.   Refer back to the earlier post on “support systems” and fill out the form.  If you find that you are lacking in your support, then find professional support.  Don’t be shy – pick up the phone and call 800-882-1117 or e-mail at bereavement@karenannquinlanhospice.org.  Individual counseling with a counselor who specializes in grief and bereavement is always encouraged.  Sometimes it is helpful just to talk to a counselor on the phone once in awhile.  There are also people who enjoy e-support, where they can e-mail with the counselor, back and forth.  Some have even shared that it is a form of journaling for them.  These are all encouraged.

 

Finally, try a support group.   However, I caution going to a support group that has “generalized” loss.  It is my experience that people who have survived a suicide may find a specialized support group to be most beneficial.  You can go to http://www.suicidology.org to get information on groups in your area.  You can also go to http://www.selfhelpgroups.org.  

 

Until next week, be well and have a happy 4th of July holiday.

 

Diana